Friday, November 2, 2012

marilyn

There are those big moments in life you'll never forget and yet you don't want to remember. Time stands still and objects are a blur. I got a call from Trevor last Thursday that changed everything. He said his mom, Marilyn, had been in a car accident and she didn't make it. The panic in his voice and the pain in his words ran through me and dropped me to the floor. The word "no" kept coming out of my mouth. Over and over and over again, it's all I could manage to say. As I waited for him to get home, my body just shook.

I'm not even sure now how to describe the last few days other than hell. When someone dies unexpectedly, there is no celebration. No party to rejoice in their life. It just feels too sudden and too painful. We were filled with sadness and yet we did pull together and lean on one another as a family. We did tell some stories and share memories of Marilyn. Family members and friends wrapped their arms around us and prayers were felt from all directions. It helped. The calls and the texts and the friends showing up from far away. The outpouring from everyone really and truly meant more to Trevor than I can even express. We needed all that love. After arriving in Atlanta we went into planning mode. Making arrangements and decisions I never dreamed we'd have to make. You see, Marilyn was the glue. She was the one that always made things run smoothly. The one that kept their family together and the one that knew what to do. So many times we wanted to reach out and ask her what to do. I did feel her though. We stayed with Trevor's grandparents and I felt her in their house. I felt her everywhere. I felt her cooking and her decorating and her laughter in the next room. I just felt her. Trevor was so strong. He spoke at the service and truly did his momma proud. Everyone She would have been so proud. After going strong for those few days, we came home and collapsed. My body ached all over and it still doesn't seem real. It was almost harder to come home though, because it's like now what? Time to grieve I suppose. Life is so very precious.

The last time I saw Marilyn was her visit here. She got to see our house, and cook for us, and see our life here. Most importantly she got to be with Miriam and hug her and love her. A few beautiful days of uninterrupted time with her granddaughter. All I can say is it was a real blessing. She loved that baby more than anything. Truly. Marilyn brought Miriam this cute little toile purse on her visit. Inside was an elmo phone and goodies. Miriam adores it and takes it everywhere! It's little things like that that keep reminding me of her. After her visit here I randomly sent her a photo-book of pics from the visit. Her husband gave it to me while we were down there. It's not something I normally did, but for whatever reason I put it together really quick and off it went in the mail. Last night I listened to our answering machine. A message from Marilyn after she got the book played. To say she loved it is an understatement. She oohed & ahhed & cried a little on the message (so Marilyn) and said how much she loved us and loved being with us and how she couldn't wait to come back. I'm so glad I sent her that book. I hope she knew how much we loved her.

This morning I asked Miriam if she knew who's birthday it was today. She said… "mine." I said… "no baby, it's Grand-Mares birthday today. She would have been 64 years old and she loved you so much." I wish we could wish her happy birthday today. I wish we could talk. I know she would tell me some funny story and make me laugh. I wish she could have seen Miriam in her cupcake costume the other night. She would've got such a hoot out of it. I wish she was here for Trevor and Lindsay. I wish Miriam would remember her as she gets older, though I know, with all my heart, a piece of her light is inside my baby girl. She sure lit up a room. I wish I could touch her and I wish she'd come back.
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I promise to tell Miriam all about you, Marilyn. You will be her guardian angel, watching over from above. I promise she will know you and know your spirit. I promise to take care of Trevor and be by his side. I promise we will remember you, feel you, celebrate you, and love you always and forever.

The tide recedes but leaves behind bright seashells on the sand,
The sun goes down, but gentle warmth still lingers on the land
The music stops, and yet it echoes on in sweet refrains…
For every joy that passes, something beautiful remains.
{not sure where it came from, but this poem was on the fridge at Marilyn's parents house}

23 comments:

  1. I am thinking of you guys. That breaks my heart.

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  2. Trevor and Bonnie, I am so very sorry. I simply can't imagine. You all are in my prayers.

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  3. Oh, I am so very sorry. I feel like my breath has been knocked out of me as I read this. The brevity and uncertainty of life goes unnoticed most days, until something like this happens. We truly do need to savor each day and hug those we love... Thank you for sharing your love for this very special lady. Prayers for the whole family...

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    1. You're so right. You hate for these sort of tragic things to remind you, but life is precious and you have to hug and love your family all the more.

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  4. Oh Bonnie, I am just so incredibly sad for you all. I got teary reading your post -- life is so tenuous -- and I think we all feel that so much more deeply once we have children of our own! My thoughts and prayers are with you guys. xoxo Ruth (and chopper and crew)

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    1. Thanks Ruth. All the outpouring from friends has helped our spirits so much. Love to you and your family. xo

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  5. Still unthinkable! But your words give us some comfort and light, so reflective of Marilyn. Big hugs all around. Love, Maymay

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  6. so sorry to read this. prayers are going out!

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  7. Oh, Bonnie. I am so very sorry for your loss. Praying for you and Trevor and his family. I cannot even begin to imagine....Love, Carolyn

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  8. My heart ached for you as I read this. So very sorry for your loss...will be praying for you and Trevor. Hugs.

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  9. Tears in my eyes... I am so sorry for your loss. xo- Brooke

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  10. Bonnie, I am so incredibly sorry for you and Trevor and Miraim's loss. I am thinking of y'all. Love, Samma

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    1. Thank you friend. Kiss and hug your sweet family tight. xo

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  11. Bonnie, Trevor, and Miriam,

    When Mary told me what happened, I was stunned. Having just lost my father after a long illness and feeling so grateful for the opportunity to spend precious time with him, I can hardly imagine the blow you all have just suffered. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Love,
    Jenpen

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  12. Angela Calhoun in Franklin, TNNovember 7, 2012 at 1:48 PM

    Bonnie,
    I am deeply sorry for your family's loss. Your mother-in-law was clearly an extraordinary woman to have left behind such a wonderful legacy of love. Your tribute to her here is so beautifully and movingly written. Thank you for sharing what must be terribly painful thoughts right now. Everyone who reads them will be changed for it and will reflect on their own lives. I remember seeing the photos when you posted them of her recent visit and thinking what a fortunate woman she was to have such a loving and close family. I loved the one of you and Miriam with her on the front porch and thought how lucky you were to have such a warm relationship with the mother of your husband and your dear daughter's grandmother. But the one of her and Trevor sleeping on either side of Miriam was particularly touching and now even more poignant. My heart breaks for you all and my thoughts and prayers will be with you in the difficult days ahead.

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  13. Bonnie.

    Your Mom was kind enough to pass on your beautiful blog about Trevor's mother. Thank you for sharing such lovely memories of her in your family's life. You were blessed to have such a warm relationship with her and her with you. Never underestimate that gift. Your words reflect her beautiful spirit and obvious love for all of you. I am so sorry for your family's sudden loss.
    Love, Leigh

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    1. Thanks Leigh. We were really blessed to have her in our life. Much love to your family.

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  14. Prayers from Raleigh, NC. What a wonderful (although terrible) reminder of how short time on this Earth is. Thank you for writing such a moving post, your mother-in-law sounds just like both my mom and mother-in-law. I know what a great loss it would be if either of them were gone. Stay strong in the Lord...
    Erin Leigh

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  15. Thank you for the prayers & kind words. They truly help the healing process.

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  16. Dearest Bonnie and Family,

    I am a friend of you Mother & Father.
    Mary was so kind and wise to share your most beautiful story with her friends.
    Please know that forever now you, Trevor and Miriam are in my thoughts.
    It took such courage to write what you did and I hope by saying/sharing these feelings, you will grow stronger every day.
    There is such beauty in loving and even though the loved one is not physically with us - the love is never lost.

    Most Sincerely, Debbie Craig

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  17. I am so sorry for your great loss. You have written such a beautiful and loving tribute to your mother-in-law that it is evident how much she was loved by all. Many thoughts and prayers for your family

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  18. bonnie i just came across a piece of note paper that had your blog address on it..mom wrote it.I was in total tears when I read your blog on mom.What you said was so meaningful and uplifting.I appreciate what you said about her.She is all what you said and more.I miss her so very much.I know you,Trev and miriam do.I had such a good time with you in nashville and chattanooga.It felt so good to be with family,even with out mom..I did feel her around us the whole time,laughing,eating supper and opening presents.She's such a dear dear woman to everyone she met.She never had an enemy.Thanks for being so supportive all the time.Trev is lucky to have you.Our family is blessed to have you join our family and bringing miriam into the world.Marilyn really loved that child,she always was talking about her.
    She always made everyone else a priority,she never made time for herself .I wish we had more conversations about her more often,how she was in life.The last conversation we had was so nice.We talked for 50 mins about my future and what i really wanted to do and what my passion was.She gave me strength and hope that day,wish we had talked for 24 hours.I will always remember her in the most positive way possible...
    I will see you this week in Franklin.Cant wait to hang out with you...
    Love you mom,bonnie,trevor and miriam.and dad..so glad we are here for each other
    Lindsay Cross

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